TO HRANT

Ayse Gul Altinay
22 January 2007

One of the last days of 2005...About 15 of us are standing with champagne glasses in our hands. During the year we are trying to leave behind, almost
all of us have been blamed for "stabbing the nation on its back"; some have been tried in courts, but only two in the group have been found "guilty." One is
Hrant, the other is Yektan. What a coincidence: both of their "punishments" have been postponed. The message is clear. "Shut up or else..."

Hrant has been found "guilty" under the Article 301 of the Turkish Penal Code and Yektan under the Article 215 of the Armenian Penal Code. Behind both
decisions is the same paranoia, the same effort to silence.

Does anyone remember what Hrant had told the TV
and radio stations from Armenia that contacted him in July 2005 -- only a month after having been blamed
for "stabbing the nation on its back" as a would-be participant of the
conference Ottoman Armenians during the Demise of the Empire: Responsible Scholarship
and Issues of Democracy and right after he was charged with "insulting
Turkishness"?

"Yes, there is a court case against me in Turkey, but I am not worried
about it. What worries me right now is the situation of Yektan Turkyilmaz,
a researcher from Turkey who is in Armenian jails." His amazing generosity
and care for others would hit the cold wall of Article 301 a few months later. I
remember being doubly embarrassed upon hearing the court's decision.

With champagne glasses in our hands, we are celebrating leaving behind a
difficult year, 2005. One of us says, "2006 is likely to be even more
difficult." We all sigh and hope that this will not be the case. We have no
idea that the real horror will hit us in the first days of 2007, "the UNESCO
year of Mevlana." We have no idea that the absurdity of the stories we have been
telling ourselves about ourselves will reveal itself in the most cruel way and flow
on to the "Halaskargazi" Street...

The last time I saw Hrant was a few weeks before he was brutally taken away
from us. During the wonderful dinner Hakan and I had with him, we talked of our
hopes and our worries. Hopes weighed in. We spent most of the evening sharing
stories of how "despite everything, good things are happening in Turkey."

Sireli yegpayris Hrant, we already miss you terribly! Having shared a bit
of your passion, love and hope is an amazing privilege, a great gift. We have
not been worthy of this gift. I have not been worthy of this gift. Whatever I
do or say now is in vain.

As a dear friend said today, "right now, what we need the most is
Hrant's optimism and his hope." What we need is your giant heart. That
giant heart we could not cherish and protect...Whatever we do, we cannot make it
beat again. This unbearable fact will hurt and haunt us forever.